【Column】Why Women’s “Consideration” Is Taken for Granted【日本語版】なぜ女性の気遣いは当然視されるのか？

Recently, I read an article on Yahoo! Japan by LASISA titled:
“Why do men take women’s ‘consideration’ for granted? Painful voices on social media: ‘My heart breaks!’ The reality of women providing mental care.”
(Source: Yahoo! News / LASISA, Oct 20, 2025)

The article discusses how men often unconsciously expect women to provide emotional labor and care as if it is a natural duty. For example, women are often expected to serve tea at work or family gatherings, pay attention to the moods of others, and maintain harmony in social settings. This “invisible labor” may seem natural to those who benefit from it, but it can lead to exhaustion and mental strain for women. Many women on social media resonated with this, posting statements such as, “I can relate,” or, “My heart is breaking,” sharing the heavy burden they carry daily.

Reading this article brought back a memory from my college days, when I experienced this phenomenon firsthand in a family context.


—

■ The Day My Father Told Me to Pour Drinks

During a family gathering with relatives, I attended with my family of five: my parents, my two younger brothers, and myself.
On that day, my father told me—and only me—to go around and pour drinks for all the relatives.

I was surprised and asked, “Why me? Everyone can pour their own drinks.”
He replied, “By doing this, people will see you as a thoughtful young woman.”

I answered, “I don’t need that kind of evaluation.”
However, my father became upset and said firmly, “It is basic manners to do this for relatives. Not doing it is unacceptable.”

At the same time, my two younger brothers were not asked to do anything.
In that moment, I felt a strong sense of unfairness. Everyone else seemed to accept that it was my responsibility simply because I was female. No one supported my perspective, and I even began to wonder if I was the one who was wrong.


—

■ The Structure Behind “Expected Kindness”

Reflecting on that memory and reading the LASISA article, I realized that my discomfort was not a personal quirk or stubbornness. It reflects a broader social structure in which women are expected to provide care and attentiveness as a matter of course.

Men are rarely criticized if they skip such tasks, while women who do not perform them are often labeled as “inconsiderate” or “cold.”
These repeated expectations create an invisible burden that accumulates over time and significantly affects women’s mental and emotional well-being.

The problem is not that women are kind or thoughtful. Kindness itself is a positive trait.
The problem arises when society assumes that women are obliged to act this way, simply because of their gender.


—

■ When Consideration Becomes a Burden

Women’s acts of care and attentiveness often go unpaid and unnoticed.
These acts maintain harmony and comfort for others, but when they are treated as obligations rather than choices, the kindness can turn into mental exhaustion.

In my case, if my father had asked politely, “Would you like to help by pouring some drinks?” I likely would have agreed with a smile.
However, when he said, “Do it because you’re a woman,” the act lost its voluntary nature and became an enforced duty.

The LASISA article also emphasizes the importance of recognizing women’s labor and expressing gratitude. Simple acknowledgments like, “Thank you,” or “I appreciate your help,” or even checking in, “Are you okay?” can help lighten this invisible load.
It is also essential for women to recognize that their own needs and feelings are valid, and they have the right to express them.

Being considerate is a positive quality.
But being expected to be considerate constantly can erode a woman’s heart and well-being.


—

■ Conclusion

To those who have ever felt pressured to perform acts of care simply because of their gender, like being a daughter, a sister, or a wife: your feelings of discomfort are valid.
Recognizing that such expectations are socially constructed is the first step in creating a more equal environment.
By acknowledging this, we can help ensure that future generations are not burdened by the assumption that women’s kindness is something to be taken for granted.


—

📚 References

LASISA (2025). Why do men take women’s ‘consideration’ for granted? Painful voices on social media: ‘My heart breaks!’ The reality of women providing mental care. Yahoo! News.
https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/2485a9a59cd75e500b40480da6812556a021c98e

Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling. University of California Press.
(Seminal work on emotional labor in social and family contexts.)



—

🏷 Tags

#Gender #EmotionalLabor #WomenMentalHealth #Feminism #SocialExpectations #FamilyDynamics #LASISA #Column #Equality #JapaneseSociety #Consideration